This year has been a wild ride. Right off the bat, 5 days after my birthday I went on a date with a boy. We ended up dating for 5 months and it broke me. The relationship was one sided. Im not going to go into details but he dumped me out of no where. I was blind sided. I had never been broken up with before. I had always been the one to end relationships. I didn't take it well. I didn't eat for over 2 weeks. Not for vanity but because I felt sick to my stomach thinking about him. Food wasn't appealing to me. Just thinking about food made me nauseous. So I lost 10 lbs in two weeks. I didn't want to leave my bed. Looking back, I was depressed. Then I snapped. Something inside of me broke. I didn't want to feel like that anymore, so I didn't. I was being fake happy until I actually was happy. Then the sunshine came into my life. The black clouds I had experienced for close to 6 month were gone. I made two new friends. Real friends. People who actually care about me. Not because of what I wear or who I hang out with. They got to know me and genuinely want me in their life (shout out to Marissa and Trevor). I got a new job. I left an old job. I traveled to New York and Colorado. I took time to show Lilly love and affection. I reached out to old friends that no longer live here. I worked on my blog and youtube. I felt happy. Truly happy. I am ok on my own. Im ok being single. I enjoy my own company. I still have panic attacks sometimes and some days I don't want to leave my bed. But I really haven't been at any low point since I was broken up with. I enjoy who I became that second half of my 25th year. I learned to slow down. I try and listen. I try to put others first. I don't always do all those things. I'm trying though. I want to be a better person. Because I have to live with myself. I have to like myself. I know ill get stuff wrong. I know not everyone will like me. But the only person that needs to like me, is me. Right now I do. I've grown a lot this year. I've overcome a lot. I was at my lowest and I pulled myself up and took hold of my life. I chose to be happy. I am excited to see what my 26th year on this planet has in store for me.
It's great that you are working on loving your self first. It's nice to be loved, no doubt, but feeling complete should not depend on someone else. Personal love cannot be taken away. Love and enjoy yourself so much that the love and the company of others it's just a plus. Just my thoughts :) I enjoyed reading this post, great reminder that happiness it's a choice.
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