Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Redecorating


I decided to clear out some clutter in my bedroom and simplify it. My room wasn't cluttered in the first place because its so small there isn't anywhere to put any clutter. (Plus I'm a virgo and crazy about organizing and keeping everything tidy, not the point) The walls however had too much going on. I had a gallery wall next to my bed and decided to remove it because it was too busy. It made my room feel small, which it is...but I don't want it to feel small. So instead I hung up my van gogh there and switched everything around. Even though there isn't necessarily anything new added it just feels like a new room. Which I am happy about. It also feels open and brighter.  Sometimes its good to change things up.





Tuesday, January 9, 2018

What I got for Christmas

This year for christmas I worked christmas eve and christmas day, both shifts 1-930. So pretty much all day spent at work. I didn't ask for anything this year. Mostly because I'm 26 and don't really need presents but also because I just kinda forgot. Christmas wasn't on my mind, I even forgot to get everyone presents until i realized it was the 21st and I probably should do that before the shelves really are empty. I luckily was able to do everyones presents in one day. I only shopped for my mom, stepdad, sister, and boyfriend but still at least I was able to get them something. I spent christmas morning at my moms. I got there around 8 am and hung around until I had to leave for work around 12. I was surprised when my mom kept bringing me out more and more presents, because I hadn't asked for anything. Anyways she did good this year. I appreciate the very "katie" presents that were received. Im sure I forgot a bunch, I know i did actually like socks, pajamas, dry shampoo, and jeans. Which are all very nice but these were the main ones. So heres what I got!

A coach wristlet from my mom
 Instax supplies from my cousin
 A candle from my aunt
 Makeup brushes from my mom (they are so soft)
 A Smashbox makeup palette from my mom
 (inside)
 topshop shoes from my cousin
 Sephoras favorite nude lips from my mom
 A minnie mouse makeup bag full of samples from my Grandma
 A nirvana vinyl from my boyfriend
 A disney collage from my aunt and grandma
Eminence skincare from my sister
An alexa from my stepdad 


Thursday, November 16, 2017

Do something for yourself


Lately all I've been doing is working and going to school. When I'm not at work or going to school, I'm studying. My free time has become no longer free. I feel like this machine that wakes up, goes to work, goes home, does homework, watches 1 episode of Gilmore Girls then goes to bed. Then i wake up and it begins again. I don't have "days off".  My"days off" are the days I am in school. I haven't had a "day off" in 2 weeks, and before that it was 4 weeks and so on. My next foreseeable "day off" is only going to happen because I requested off for a wedding. That day off isn't for another 3 weeks. Once again, I feel like a machine. I love sewing, drawing, shopping, photography, running, taking baths. These things make me happy. These allow me to be grounded and stable. I feel like Im running on a treadmill. These things that make me happy are also on that treadmill but they're attached to the floor. They are going in circles, constantly passing me, mocking me as they go by. Everything I'm doing is to get into nursing school. Accepting a manager position at my job. Working 5 days a week and going to class the other 2 days. All the hours spent studying and crying over my grades. All the stress and competition going into the nursing field. Its all to help others. I do everything for everyone else. Its in my nature. I love taking care of other people. I also have a really hard time saying no to people. I always want to help and be of service. I can't let people down. But by doing that I'm draining myself. At what point do you put your foot down and act selfish? Today I did that a little bit. Instead of studying before class I went and took photos for this little blog of mine. I know taking photos of myself seems vain and meaningless. I just found it to be healing in a way. To be outside for an hour. No one around me, complete silence. It was just a nice little break from all the chaos around me. Sometimes you just need a little bit of time to focus on yourself.  Whether its getting your nails done, going shopping, going to the salon or in my case taking blog photos. Its just nice to do something and feel better about yourself in the end.





Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Happiness is a choice



This year has been a wild ride. Right off the bat, 5 days after my birthday I went on a date with a boy. We ended up dating for 5 months and it broke me. The relationship was one sided. Im not going to go into details but he dumped me out of no where. I was blind sided. I had never been broken up with before. I had always been the one to end relationships. I didn't take it well. I didn't eat for over 2 weeks. Not for vanity but because I felt sick to my stomach thinking about him. Food wasn't appealing to me. Just thinking about food made me nauseous. So I lost 10 lbs in two weeks. I didn't want to leave my bed. Looking back, I was depressed. Then I snapped. Something inside of me broke. I didn't want to feel like that anymore, so I didn't. I was being fake happy until I actually was happy. Then the sunshine came into my life. The black clouds I had experienced for close to 6 month were gone. I made two new friends. Real friends. People who actually care about me. Not because of what I wear or who I hang out with. They got to know me and genuinely want me in their life (shout out to Marissa and Trevor). I got a new job. I left an old job. I traveled to New York and Colorado. I took time to show Lilly love and affection. I reached out to old friends that no longer live here. I worked on my blog and youtube. I felt happy. Truly happy. I am ok on my own. Im ok being single. I enjoy my own company. I still have panic attacks sometimes and some days I don't want to leave my bed. But I really haven't been at any low point since I was broken up with. I enjoy who I became that second half of my 25th year. I learned to slow down. I try and listen. I try to put others first. I don't always do all those things. I'm trying though. I want to be a better person. Because I have to live with myself. I have to like myself. I know ill get stuff wrong. I know not everyone will like me. But the only person that needs to like me, is me. Right now I do. I've grown a lot this year. I've overcome a lot. I was at my lowest and I pulled myself up and took hold of my life. I chose to be happy. I am excited to see what my 26th year on this planet has in store for me.













Friday, September 8, 2017

Addicted to flowers

I don't have any addictions. Well "real" addictions. I never bite my nails, I have never smoked a cigarette, I do drink but i'll only have one or two, I don't do drugs. I do however have multiple non-relatable addictions. Like being addicted to disney, cats, pee wee herman, shopping, and flowers. Flowers are all over my house, the are all over my clothes, and they take up 88% of my camera roll in my phone. Oh yeah and they are tattooed on my body. Forever permanent on both of my arms. This dress is a subtle floral print. I love a big in your face floral print dress but its also nice to have a small and subdued floral too. Its not a over the top girly dress. Its more simple and subtle. Which is why I like it. I got it a platos closet maybe a year and a half ago. It was originally from forever21 but I think I paid $8 for it. My shoes are just regular high top chucks I got at urban outfitters 3 years ago. They were actually the first thing I bought with my employee discount. Considering how often Ive worn them they've held up well.







Friday, August 25, 2017

Narcissism or confidence?

Ive been thinking a lot lately about my looks. Not in like a "I look good" way. In a "Why do I need prove myself to anyone" kind of way. Why do I need to do my makeup, style my hair, and put together outfits? Why is this need to look a certain way all the time ingrained into my brain? Who am I trying to impress? Boys? Myself? I don't know.  When I walk by the mirror without makeup, hair a mess, in my pajamas. Im like "Yep thats what I look like". Im not impressed or disgusted. I'm just like "thats me".  If I can accept myself naturally, what's the point of trying so hard to look "pretty"? I guess it is so other people like me. I want people to say "she's got good style" or "she's pretty". But why does that matter to me? Is it human nature to want to be liked? To want to be accepted? To fit in? No one wants to be rejected, mocked, or feel unaccepted. Everyone is different but at the same time everyone is the same. We all want to fit into some type of clique. It doesn't matter if you are covered in tattoos or you wear Chanel. You want to be accepted by some form of society. No one truly wants to be an outsider. So who am I trying to fit in with?