Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Happiness is a choice



This year has been a wild ride. Right off the bat, 5 days after my birthday I went on a date with a boy. We ended up dating for 5 months and it broke me. The relationship was one sided. Im not going to go into details but he dumped me out of no where. I was blind sided. I had never been broken up with before. I had always been the one to end relationships. I didn't take it well. I didn't eat for over 2 weeks. Not for vanity but because I felt sick to my stomach thinking about him. Food wasn't appealing to me. Just thinking about food made me nauseous. So I lost 10 lbs in two weeks. I didn't want to leave my bed. Looking back, I was depressed. Then I snapped. Something inside of me broke. I didn't want to feel like that anymore, so I didn't. I was being fake happy until I actually was happy. Then the sunshine came into my life. The black clouds I had experienced for close to 6 month were gone. I made two new friends. Real friends. People who actually care about me. Not because of what I wear or who I hang out with. They got to know me and genuinely want me in their life (shout out to Marissa and Trevor). I got a new job. I left an old job. I traveled to New York and Colorado. I took time to show Lilly love and affection. I reached out to old friends that no longer live here. I worked on my blog and youtube. I felt happy. Truly happy. I am ok on my own. Im ok being single. I enjoy my own company. I still have panic attacks sometimes and some days I don't want to leave my bed. But I really haven't been at any low point since I was broken up with. I enjoy who I became that second half of my 25th year. I learned to slow down. I try and listen. I try to put others first. I don't always do all those things. I'm trying though. I want to be a better person. Because I have to live with myself. I have to like myself. I know ill get stuff wrong. I know not everyone will like me. But the only person that needs to like me, is me. Right now I do. I've grown a lot this year. I've overcome a lot. I was at my lowest and I pulled myself up and took hold of my life. I chose to be happy. I am excited to see what my 26th year on this planet has in store for me.













Friday, September 8, 2017

Addicted to flowers

I don't have any addictions. Well "real" addictions. I never bite my nails, I have never smoked a cigarette, I do drink but i'll only have one or two, I don't do drugs. I do however have multiple non-relatable addictions. Like being addicted to disney, cats, pee wee herman, shopping, and flowers. Flowers are all over my house, the are all over my clothes, and they take up 88% of my camera roll in my phone. Oh yeah and they are tattooed on my body. Forever permanent on both of my arms. This dress is a subtle floral print. I love a big in your face floral print dress but its also nice to have a small and subdued floral too. Its not a over the top girly dress. Its more simple and subtle. Which is why I like it. I got it a platos closet maybe a year and a half ago. It was originally from forever21 but I think I paid $8 for it. My shoes are just regular high top chucks I got at urban outfitters 3 years ago. They were actually the first thing I bought with my employee discount. Considering how often Ive worn them they've held up well.







Friday, August 25, 2017

Narcissism or confidence?

Ive been thinking a lot lately about my looks. Not in like a "I look good" way. In a "Why do I need prove myself to anyone" kind of way. Why do I need to do my makeup, style my hair, and put together outfits? Why is this need to look a certain way all the time ingrained into my brain? Who am I trying to impress? Boys? Myself? I don't know.  When I walk by the mirror without makeup, hair a mess, in my pajamas. Im like "Yep thats what I look like". Im not impressed or disgusted. I'm just like "thats me".  If I can accept myself naturally, what's the point of trying so hard to look "pretty"? I guess it is so other people like me. I want people to say "she's got good style" or "she's pretty". But why does that matter to me? Is it human nature to want to be liked? To want to be accepted? To fit in? No one wants to be rejected, mocked, or feel unaccepted. Everyone is different but at the same time everyone is the same. We all want to fit into some type of clique. It doesn't matter if you are covered in tattoos or you wear Chanel. You want to be accepted by some form of society. No one truly wants to be an outsider. So who am I trying to fit in with? 







Saturday, August 19, 2017

What travel guides don't tell you about Disney

1. People cut in line

This is the number one thing that annoys me about Disney (or any theme park really). Yesterday I was half way through the line and all of a sudden 4 kids and a grandpa cut right in front of me. That's 5 people that got to skip in line, how?! Its not fair. I wish people would say "You can't cut the line. I don't care if your family was waiting up in the front of the line" Some people do, but for the most part it's expected. You know at some point of you waiting 45 minutes someone is going to waltz up and jump ahead of you. Not only is this annoying because they're skipping the line, but they are also making the line longer for you.



2. People don't wear deodorant

I know this one may sound mean, but people smell. This is a given. We are humans, we sweat, and product body odor. However this is this wonder magical gift to society called deodorant. Does everyone wear deodorant? No. A majority of the people at disney smell bad. Yes it's hot out and were all sweating but if people would just put on some deodorant or pack it in their backpack we wouldn't have this problem. You are crammed together like sardines with all these strangers in lines, on the bus, on rides, in restaurants. We are all in very close proximity to strangers pretty much the whole day. It would be nice if 80% of them didn't smell like a sweaty sock.


 3. You get stepped on

Everyone is in a rush. Either trying to make their fast passes, trying to get to the reservations at a restaurant, or just running because they're annoying human beings who don't have any perception of the other people around them. You get bumped in the shins by strollers. You get smacked with someones backpack that is stuffed to the brim. You get stepped on, shoved, and do that awkward "which direction are you going?' thing. You know what I'm talking about when you are heading directly towards someone and you do that weird dance to get out of the way. Almost every single person that does these things also does not say "sorry" or "excuse me" they just bump, shove, and step on you and keep moving along. 



4. Everything is overpriced

Disney passes are ridiculously expensive. I feel like everyone knows that its not cheap to go to disney. But also everything in the park is going to hurt your wallet. From the $5 tiny ice cream bar to the $12 beer, yes just one beer. Don't even get me started on the meals! You are going to want to take out a small loan to afford to eat dinner in the park. You can't get lunch cheaper than $20 anywhere, and that $20 lunch for one person would be a kids meal. Not to mention the stupid souvenirs! The items you buy and only use during that time spent at disney. The second you get home it will just collect dust in your closet, Because really when else are you going to wear a huge mad hatter hat? I found minnie ears during halloween at partycity for $6, do you know how much they are at the park? $21 (not including tax).

 This pimms cup that was basically 90% sprite cost me $10

5. There are screaming kids everywhere

Yes I can understand the kids have been up since 6 am and are hot and tired by 3 because they don't get a nap. But its also not the most pleasant thing having kids throw tantrums every 10 yards. Behind you in line. On the bus. Waiting to get starbucks (because the parents are tired too). They are everywhere. Just screaming. Throwing fits, You're at disney shouldn't you be having fun? No instead they're hot and grumpy. My mom always jokes and says "the happiest place on earth" whenever we see a kid yelling bloody murder at disney. This is why I love epcot. Its more of an adult park. The child screams are a lot less frequent there. They still happen but not like they do at the magic kingdom. Its like the magic kingdom is torture for these children. 



6. Stroller land

My mom also jokes that disney land is not disney land, its stroller land. These things are everywhere and they get in the way. They are just so wide and big they take up all the walking space. You have to maneuver around them because they really are everywhere. And people leave strollers outside of rides with ALL their belongings in them. WHAT? Don't you know people steal? I could easily go into your backpack that was left in your stroller and take what I wanted. I wouldn't because I'm not scum. But it's possible. I don't understand it. No one is watching it. The employees sure aren't making sure people aren't raiding strollers belongings. So in the magic kingdom (the park with the most strollers) be warned that its about 60% people, 96% strollers.





Thursday, August 10, 2017

Staycation

 My mom mom turned 72 on august 8th. She isn't on this earth to celebrate it so we did it for her. My mom, sister and I went down to cape coral to see my poppop on her birthday. We went out, got beers ate chicken wings, and just spent time together. Then the three of us were off to coconut point just south of ft. meyers beach. We just drank a lot of drinks ate a lot of food and soaked up the sun. It was really nice. Happy birthday mommom you're missed!













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